


A long and broken wait

by JadeintheSky



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Prison, Angst, Angst and Feels, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Blood and Violence, Eventual Sex, F/M, Forbidden Love, Kissing, Lust at First Sight, Movie: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Past Sexual Abuse, Rey Kenobi, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22034032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeintheSky/pseuds/JadeintheSky
Summary: Young FBI profiler has a task; interview notorious killer locked in a high security psychiatric prison to help further an ongoing investigation into a series of brutal murders.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 32
Kudos: 131





	1. First meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I watched TROS and as a result I started working on my first ever Reylo AU fanfiction. Real life is too depressing.  
> Anyway, I'm not a native English speaker so please feel free to comment on mistakes, but be kind. I will do my best to fix everything as soon as I can. Work is not finished, but the plot is all there. Basically, it's Reylo meets Silence of the Lambs, but no worries, Kylo is not a cannibal. This is a romance and it will have a happy ending.  
> I don't have an editor, so some minor edits my happen later on. Please, do let me know if you like it.

“You do understand, Miss… Kenobi, that this is a very dangerous prisoner and…”

“Agent Kenobi.”

“Of course… Agent.”

Warden Hux suspended his palms mid-air as if he was contemplating best way to strangle her.

“You can’t deviate from the protocol in the slightest and if I found out that…” he drifted off midst sentence meeting Agent’s steely and slightly intimidating gaze.

Rey was reminded of small rodents, nervously picking on their food, trying to look like they are the main hot shot around, not realising they are not getting out of the sewer anytime soon. She was in this office for 15 minutes already, wasting time on this man’s ego, clock ticking.

“Look Mr Hux…” she leaned slightly crossing her fingers on her freshly ironed pants. “You will find all of the paperwork duly filled and validated. If you have any concerns, you can take it up to Assistant director Skywalker. However, I am afraid that in this matter you are out of options. I’m to report back to the FBI this evening and I’m expected to report on my conversation with Ben Solo. You understand we are pressed with time, so I would strongly urge you to let me do my job with no further delays.”

Slow, very slow scan down her body that followed left Rey deeply uncomfortable.

How dare he? Slimy little idiot.

He raised slowly from his desk, walked around and stood uncomfortably close to her.

“Follow me.”

He towered over her until she raised up from her chair. Silently she was very happy to be wearing her classical pair of pumps that added additional inches to her height, looking down at him from an even greater angle.

“Lead the way.”

As they walked down the corridors he continued his monologue, she pretended she found it mildly informative.

“Kylo Ren is held isolated and under strict security standards. You are not to deviate from the middle of the corridor. We placed a chair for you, do not move it closer to the bars. Don’t promise him anything, give him anything, take anything. No information about outside world. He is a successful manipulator, highly intelligent but prone to fits of anger and destructive, violent outbursts. You would be smart to remember this.”

As his little hand touched her waist she sped up her steps.

“Thank you Warden. I am sure I’ll manage a brief conversation.”

Not breaking character took some effort, since under her detached demeanour Rey wanted to slam him into the ground. However, practice makes perfect. She got used to being condescended and looked down at, by everyone. Men especially. She knew she looked more fragile than she is. She was young, barely out of the Academy, but she has already proven her worth both academically and physically. She managed to finish her education on scholarships and grants, had already published research articles, picked up numerous accolades on the way, all the time training her ass off to be able to efficiently handle herself in combat.

“And don’t call him Ben Solo. He will not respond.”

“That is a very helpful tip. Thank you.”

Of course it wasn’t. Everyone who followed the trials after Kylo Ren’s arrest 3 years ago knew about his violent outbursts in the courthouse, particularly brought on by a testimony of his mother, a respectable senator, who insisted to call him by his birth name. One particular image from the courtroom sketch artist stayed with Rey for a while. It was Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren, raised from his chair, his towering figure leaning forward, shackled hands slamming the desk in front of him with people around him suspended in panic, security officers with guns drown. She always though the reaction was overblown. How much could he do, held on a short string, surrounded by enemies? But what struck her the most was his eyes. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, desperation and pain written all over him. Rey was pretty sure everyone else just saw a hardened shell of a man ready to explode and kill the world. But appearances do deceive. She knew it first hand, and she was determined to use her empathy to help him help her.

And boy did FBI need some help. What media dubbed the First Order Murders were brutal, coldblooded executions, carried out in spectacularly inventive manner. Rey saw the crime photos. We are talking about blood baths, dismemberments and decapitations across state borders, six cases and counting.

One afternoon more than a month ago, same as many other FBI recruits dreaming about their first hit, Rey took her laptop for a stroll to the nearest café and started putting together a profile of a mastermind criminal she believed was pulling the strings and making the killers go crazy on their victims. Everyone else thought it was a random cult. She saw something much more methodological. A push and pull connection behind the murders that was motivated by an agenda of a single minded supreme leader. Then she made another novel connection. The Kylo Ren connection.

Somehow AD Skywalker read her work and the next thing she knows she is being sent to follow up on her idea. Rey knew what this could mean for her career. It was her shot in getting to Skywalker’s behavioural science unit, and she wasn’t going to fail.

They walked down a staircase to a lower level. Rey figured they must now be underground. Long corridor ahead stopped at thick metal doors. Hux used his security card to open the lock and let her though.

As she was passing him he breathed uncomfortably close, “You have 10 minutes.”

“20”

“Yes, 20 minutes.”

As soon as she stepped through, the doors closed with the bang. At the end of a long corridor she saw a chair facing left. Slowly she started walking down the middle of a dark room. There was no one in other cells, it was dark, dead and damp.

What the bloody hell is this? That is not how you keep a human being.

Her heels were click-clacking on the concrete, and she had a passing though that perhaps her choice of footwear was not the best after all, alerting Kylo Ren of a female intruder.

She made a conscious effort to relax her grip on the folder she was carrying. The last thing she needs is for him to see that she was a nervous novice. Ren doesn’t talk to anybody. If she has a chance on getting him to actually speak with her, she needed to project authority and self-confidence.

A couple of more steps.

Breathe Rey. You can do it.

She approached the chair and raised her eyes to the cell. A tall figure dressed in hospital issued grey stood in the middle of a small room his back to her. She took the moment to observe his surroundings, but it was very dark. Only light came from the corridor. Blinking to adjust her eyesight she spotted a simple bed on the left, a desk with a small lamp that was either turned off or non-functioning with a chair in the middle and a shelf on the wall to the right, filled with books and papers.

“Hello Mr Ren. I am Special Agent Kenobi of the FBI. I’ve come to speak with you.”

She stood there, trying to see more, patiently waiting for his reply.

“Is this a game our lovely warden Armitage is playing? Not interested.”

His voice… His voice was deep and velvety. Rey had a quick thought about low sounds and longer wave lengths how her body was reacting to it.

Rey, breathe.

“No. I can assure you Mr Ren. Warden was very reluctant to allow me this visit. And I come with questions from the FBI.”

“The FBI.”

“Yes, Mr Ren.”

There were sketches hanging on the wall. She stared trying to recognise the sceneries when slowly he turned. 

Rey, breathe.

“May I see your credentials?”

“Certainly”

Rey pulled out her FBI issued badge and held it at the distance. She was hoping he will not notice that it’s…

“Brand new. Should I congratulate you on finishing the Academy last week?”

“Two months ago.”

His eyes. His eyes stared at her with what she could guess was a combination of curiosity and animosity, and despite his perfectly calm exterior she felt like all the storms of the galaxy are stirring behind them.

“Are you one of Skywalker’s minions?” he spat it out as the words were burning him.

“Not yet, no, but he sent me.”

“I’m sure he did. And you are probably itching to join his elite team, like other poor souls before you.”

Deciding that there is no point denying, she calmly confirmed, “I am currently there temporary, but I am hoping for an opportunity.”

“Luke Skywalker sent a trainee to talk to me,” he softly sing-sang his conclusion.

His lips. His lips looked… soft and inviting. That was a rather surprising thought, but Rey wasn’t about to let it get in the way of her mission. She didn’t twitch. She stayed perfectly calm as she waited politely for his next move. She was of the opinion that in these situation it is key to treat prisoners the same way she would like to be treated – with some respect.

After some deliberation he seemed to have made up his mind. “You are my guest. Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you.”

She sat down and looked up at him. He was still standing there, hands unmoving, shoulders rigid. She motioned to the chair behind him.

“Care to join me?”

He moved slowly. Turned around to grab the chair and placed it, aligned with her but at the last moment he turned it backwards, his legs long on either side, his arms leaning heavily on the back of the chair. If she could delete the bars, the chairs, the distance…

Yeah, Kylo here is playing it edgy and cool. She can work with that.

“I noticed that you have no lights in your cell. Does this happen often?”

He stayed perfectly still. “Why? Are you concerned? Are you trying to get on my good side? There must be something you want.”

“Do you think there is something you have and you can offer to me?”

He raised an eyebrow with a brief spark of amusement. “Well, there are many things I could offer Special agent Kenobi. Unfortunately, I am rather limited in my current capacity.” 

“Actually there is something very specific I came to ask you.”

“Let me hazard a wild guess. First Order Murders.”

Rey felt her heart skip a beat. Perhaps it showed on her face.

“So you follow the news,” she said wondering about how he’s getting his information. 

“I am sorry Agent, I can’t help you. I have no knowledge of the cases in question.”

Rey, never wavering from their eye connection decided to be direct.

“No, but you know about the person who is likely orchestrating these deaths. If you would answer a couple of questions I have, I’ll make sure your living conditions are significantly upgraded. Perhaps we can make sure you have a window view again.”

Unexpectedly, his face shifted into something resembling a smirk.

“That is rich. I have accepted my end Agent Kenobi. There will be no better conditions for me. This is where I’m likely to die.”

There was something so unnerving about that statement coming from an intelligent 37 year old man, who once had so much promise. Rey had a feeling she could paint a picture of him well, pre-murderer phase. By all accounts he was a talented and quiet man, top of his class, worked as a lawyer in a small firm, formidable in witness cross-examination, played piano. No notable girlfriends, no friends that were willing to provide testimony on his account. According to pencil sketches visibly displayed in his cell, he was gifted in more than one type of art.

“That is very bleak Mr Ren. Surely, not all hope is lost.”

He stared at her. Most beautiful creature that he has seen in his life. After almost three years of living in these conditions he couldn’t imagine why someone like her would ever come to this underground world to see him and what she saw. A monster surely. That is what he is. A monster looking at a sweet, naïve girl that came here with some silly ideas about how he can still be of service to anyone. It’s too late for that.

“I can’t help you Agent. Leave.”

“No. Mr Ren, I’ve read everything in your file. I really do have reasons to believe you could provide a valuable insight into these murders.”

“Honestly, I don’t understand where you got that from. Perhaps you are not as smart as you seem,” and perhaps she is too smart for cheap baits and insulting her intelligence will not get him anywhere.

“My theory has solid background. Please, Mr. Ren… During your trial you mentioned that a person told you to do it. Who is he?”

“I have never said anything similar to that on the stand,” he evaded.

“No, you haven’t. I heard you muttering it in an audio recording from your trial. Since then I believed that what happened with your father had some deeper roots than what the prosecution or, even worse, your own defence team was willing to explore,” she told him calmly waiting for any miniscule reaction.

“I am to blame. I killed Han Solo. I killed my father. I am precisely the monster you fear I am.” 

“I don’t believe that. I never met you in person before, but I think I can see the conflict in you. It’s tearing you apart.”

“Correction. It was tearing me apart. I solved that by doing what I did.”

And yet… his reactions during his trial were not the reactions of a guilty sociopath quietly accepting his destiny. There was rage there.

“Mr Ren… all the murders that we are discovering are so very similar. We have atrocities beyond belief with no evident pattern beyond what was written on the walls. Who is beyond this? Is there a predator who is pulling the strings? What did he do to his people? When? Are you one of them?”

There was a tremble to his lower lip and a slight shake to his voice.

“That is ridiculous. Do you hear yourself? Nobody can be that powerful. We don’t live in some fantasy novel, Rey. There are no ubervillains. Take your little theories and leave. There is nothing I can tell you.”

She committed the sound of her name from his lips for later access.

“Who is this He you’ve been mentioning in the fits of rage during the trial?”

He had this very effecting method of watering down the effectiveness of a conversation by placing unnaturally long pauses in the process. Very smart. Gives him time to think it over, change the beat.

“You are not giving up easily, no?”

Rey looked at him calmly. She wanted him to understand she sees it. She know. She recognises the deliberate method for what it is.

“No, I’m very persistent. That’s what got me here.”

“Yes… what got you here. Tell me, that accent of yours. What poor part of London did you got it from?”

Rey frowned. “That is hardly relevant.”

“Oh but it is… What happened? Did you move across the Atlantic in search of a better life? No… You were taken. How young? My guess is very young. Where are your parents? Do you have any? Do you even remember them?”

“What do you care about my parents? You murdered your father in cold blood.”

“Ah…. I’m right, am I? I can see what you are trying to hide. You don’t fit very well, do you? Shoes you’re wearing, cheap department store kind with bad soles. Are they uncomfortable? How old is your blouse? I can see faintly yellow marks on the edges of your collar. It’s well used, is it not? You don’t pay much attention to your nails either. Not a smoker, but no manicure. Do you bite them when you’re nervous Agent?”

She could not prevent her instinctive reaction of hiding her nails in strong fists on top of the folder on her knees. Damn him. She’s been with him 10 minutes and it’s already going down the hill.

“Tell me Ms Kenobi, how hard did you have to fight, pull and push to come here? How many tears have you cried late at night thinking you don’t deserve anything better than the hand you were given. Or did you think about how you will beat the odds? Did you beat the odds?”

Her blunt nails were digging into her palms. She deflected, this time trembling, “Did you? Did you beat the odds?”

“No, I haven’t. I lost. And you know it,” he answered, his voice flat and low, his hand gesturing to his living space. “You have that look in your eyes. You think you know me. But you don’t. I am exactly the monster you fear and if I could I would crush you, same as I did to everyone I knew.”

“I don’t fear you,” she said her eyes holding his answering his challenge with stealth resolve. “Why did you kill your father?”

“Why are you here?!”

“Tell me! You had a father who loved you, who probably gave a damn about you. Why did you do it?” she insisted, this time not trying the hide the tremor in her voice or added moisture in her eyes. She refused to blink, scared a tear will spill across her cheek in an ultimate show of weakness. 

He leaned his head to the side.

“You know what Agent? I’ll answer your questions quid pro quo. How about that? You answer one of my questions and I might answer one of yours.”

This time she took a page from his book and gave herself a moment to consider what he was saying.

Breathe, Rey. Calm down. 

“Will you be truthful?” she asked shaking of the agitation.

“I would never lie to you.”

Rey felt something pass between them. Something more than a warm promise, more than admiration, more than simple cruel truths they were already somehow freely giving to each other. Yes, he is cruel. But that is the price she is willing to pay.

She nodded. “Very well. However, I’m afraid I don’t have much time left for today. Can you tell me anything now? As a show of good faith.”

At the mention of time, he turned his lips into a half smile.

“Funny, we are pressed for time and I have all the time in the world.”

Rey couldn’t resist wondering how he would look like with a whole, sincere, smile. It was probably a rare gift to receive. Careful Rey… that is one dangerous angry killer sitting opposite of you, she thought.

Closing his eyes, he added, “It is a very thin line between losing a sense of time and losing one’s mind. You would be surprised.”

She didn’t know what to say to that, so she waited, saddened by the thought.

“Don’t make the mistake thinking that incidents were rational or the other way around. What started as a cleaning exercise might have evolved once he got a taste for it. I am assuming your profiles agree that we are talking about an older man, mid 40ies to mid 50ies? Money, power and control are not a foreign concept to him. He couldn’t have met them by chance – since you would have seen the mutual common point in history. He is choosing them methodically, and is eliminating them out of precaution.”

“Kylo, is this the same guy?”

He looked at her and for the first time she could see a trace of fear on his face. Unfortunately for her, this was the point Armitage Hux decided to make an appearance.

“Show is over. Agent, if you would please?” he announced in an almost comically grandiose way from the beginning of the corridor.

“We are not done yet,” Rey yelled back.

“I am afraid you are,” he replied. Rey turned her head and noticed 2 more security officer standing behind him.

She stood up to Kylo as he also got up from his chair, almost instinctively coming closer. “Mr Ren, please tell me.”

He was looking at her so intensively, like he wants to burn the truth directly into her mind. His reply was half whispered and she barely heard him above the steps of guards approaching. “He is listening Agent, ears everywhere.”

“He is the one, isn’t he? I was right” she whispered back, now convinced.

They both looked towards the guards now just a step away.

“Kylo, I’ll come back…. You are not alone.”

“Neither are you.”

As she walked down the corridor she heard the cell doors sliding open and a blunt grunt from Kylo Ren as he hit the ground under the assault. She couldn’t phantom a reason for this cruelty. What is happening in this place?

As she stood before the main exist of the facility she turned her attention back to Hux.

“Is there any reason he is held under those conditions?”

Hux smiled. “Yes, we had quite a number of violent incident with Ren. We try to keep him subdued.”

Rey felt chilled to her bones. “I’ll come back. We will make sure you have all the necessary paperwork.”

His creepy ass smile twitched a bit. “I think you are making a mistake and wasting time.”

“That is up to me to decide Mr Hux.”


	2. Prelude to the second meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has some wine and goes for a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2020 everyone!  
> With a bit of mild adult content. 
> 
> Let me know if it works... or if it doesn't :*

Rey needed some alone time to sort out her thoughts about Kylo Ren. She worked out facts about the meeting and relayed them to the FBI, including a strong worded review of living conditions she found him in. “It is worse than a prison, and it’s definitely not a hospital” was the prevalent theme. Cruel and angry murderer or not… no one deserves to live like that.

Skywalker was extremely sceptical about her request to grand her a second visit. He couldn’t decide whether he secretly hoped she will prove her theory or if it would be better to let the sleeping dog lie, but realising there will be no changing young agent’s mind, he eventually agreed.

To say the handsome rogue took over her thoughts is an understatement, but she couldn’t give in and dwell too hard until she was safe between her own four walls. So she went home with a bunch of notes, a bag of Thai take out and a bottle of wine. Looking around her humble apartment, she couldn’t help but comparing it to where she saw Kylo Ren earlier. He had a fancy background, he would probably find her little apartment amusingly low standard. And he is a very tall man, he would perhaps find it a bit constraining. 

Well… moot point.

Finally feeling a little warmer and steadier after a meal, she poured a glass of wine, relaxed on her sofa, laptop perched on her legs, hair out of her bun and falling over a pillow. There was a moment of hesitation before she went back to the courtroom sketch of Kylo Ren.

What is it that he was thinking at that time? Is this broken man Kylo, or is it Ben Solo? What happened to Ben?

Rey thought back to their meeting trying to catalogue everything she felt since she first laid eyes on him. He was perfectly, undeniably, painfully attractive. She chuckled out loud. Figures that after all the misery in her own life, she would find herself reacting to a convicted murderer locked underground on her first real assignment. Is she risking her objectivity by allowing these thought? Very probably. Apparently this is the kind of agent she will turn out to be. An idiotic one.

Was this instant pull she felt towards him because she is overreacting in a stressful situation, feeling sad for him on a basic, human level, or is it because he seemed to feel the same lonely desperation she so often felt, that crippling loneliness and isolation?

So many questions, and it’s time for her to start providing answers. She started going through all her notes, transcripts of Kylo’s trial, and collected evidence from new cases. Kylo’s case always rubbed her the wrong way. He stabbed his father, a very well-regarded pilot and a husband of a senator, in a fit of rage. However, he refused to explain what brought it on. No matter what everyone says, he didn’t turn from Ben to Kylo overnight and decided to commit patricide just because. The man she met today had a hard and sometimes cruel shelf but she went through pictures of him from before the incident, and to her this shy man looked more like a victim then a killer in training. And another thing. She saw him for a limited time, but he doesn’t appear at all criminally insane. Far from it. Did they though if they fight for that sentence, his life would be easier in a medical institution?

She found some records of his own old cases while he was working as a lawyer. His work ethic was all about providing services in a fast and efficient way. He did a lot of pro bono work, and even his clients were a usual mixed bag, with no apparent pattern.

If her unsub is the same guy Ren was talking about, he should be there somewhere. She went back to the courtroom scene…

What if he was there? What if he was in the room while Kylo stood trial, screaming at his mother and listening to people describe him as a lone wolf waiting to be triggered? What if he was there before… a mentor, teacher or a family friend and Ben Solo was his first victim.

 _Ben Solo = a victim?_ She wrote in her notes. Surely, he will tell her if that is the case. How proud can you be after three years of darkness and solitude?

Well… very, if that is the only thing you have left.

Then she started thinking of the painful sound that followed after those guards went inside his cell. She couldn’t see what was going on, but she had a pretty clear idea. After all, for some reason he believes he will die there, by his own hand or by someone’s order. Idea of his dead unmoving lips disturbed her deeply. 

Can I take him out of there?

_“He is listening”_

It had to be Hux or somebody else from the internal hierarchy that is the connection, there’s no other explanation. He can monitor and keep him quiet, and he is definitely doing his best to destroy him, coming short of actually murdering him.

She pulled out everything she could on the slimy bastard and started digging.

She based her whole theory on Kylo muttering about a He. There was something early similar to victim number six who committed suicide just after writing “he told me to do it” on the wall, next to “I obey the First Order”. Victim number two was the first one who left the sentence about First Order behind. The sentence was in her handwriting. Her head was found two floors down from the rest of her. Everything was a bizarre mix of methods. If someone was doing this to silence them from testifying on something or someone else, the flashy aspect of the murders, the writings on the wall and everything around it pointed to someone with a clear God complex. He thought he was untouchable, he thought he was invincible. He would have probably stayed close to Kylo. Hmmm… Perhaps she can pay a visit to Leia Organa Solo and have a look around.

Hours passed. She finished her third glass and went to get another one. She downed it in front of the fridge and subsequently emptied the bottle. That will make sure she goes to sleep with a pleasant buzz. Flopping back on her sofa Rey’s thoughts became more jumbled and she sank into memories of the beautiful man she met today and the way he sat on his chair, his long legs on either side. She could fit between those just perfectly.

Dangerous man, he is a dangerous convicted killer of his father and she is an agent. A very special agent. Special Rey with her very unspecial stupid existence.

What if he is cold in that hell hole? What if his hands are freezing cold and he can’t warm them up by himself. She could make him feel warmer. If only she could be there. If Rey had superpowers she would come into his dark cell, sneak amongst all his sketches and slither underneath his blanket next to his big, pale, hard body.

He would watch her, just like he watched her today and she would take his cold hands and warm up every elegant finger by sucking it into her mouth. Yes, that is exactly what she should do. She had seen his hands, they are beautiful, and he could hold her so easily.

He murdered his father with those hands.

She blamed it on the wine as she unbuttoned her shirt followed by her pants. So very lightly she touched her breasts. How would he feel lying on top of her, his hands going down her body desperate to feel how warm and wet she is for him. And she would be very wet. Just like she is now.

Damn him for being so good looking and having those piercing eyes. Who gave him the right to make her feel like this?

Does he look like his father?

Damn her for never meeting anyone in a bar, like normal people do and stupid her for rejecting all those offers for a date in Quantico until they stopped coming all together. Surely if she weren’t starved for touch, she would be able to ignore this fantasy.

She could see clearly in her head his lips on her breasts, feel his kisses on her neck. Would he bite? He is rather violent, he might bite. Or he might be incredibly gentle. He would probably be very gentle with her. He would kiss and lick and caress until she would feel his long fingers sliding into her underwear. It would feel so much better than her own finger now.

Foregoing all reason she touched herself thinking of him. Her fingers slid between her folds. Yes, she was very wet. All the forbidden fruit and all the golden apples couldn’t come together to tip the scale and stop what she was feeling. Her eyes went down to the laptop on her coffee table. Image of him.

But she doesn’t need it. She closed her eyes and there he was. As vivid as the image on her screen, alive and hard and big. She has decided, he would be hard and big.

Oh…

As her fingers started rubbing small circles around her most sensitive spot, she let go. All that mattered was to chase that feeling, to find completion and satisfaction and belonging and Kylo.

Kylo Ren…

She came with his name silent on her lips, legs shaking, breast lifted to the ceiling and her head falling behind on the pillows.

As she came down from her high she was so out of herself she didn’t bother getting up.

Morning light found her wrapped in her blanked on a sofa.

“Stupid Rey. Stupid. Pathetic idiot. You should get fired,” she said aloud while stumbling towards her shower, like the crazy person she is.

Hours later as she approached the house of Senator Organa she was back to her best FBI self. Prim, proper and not having inappropriate thoughts about convicted killers. They should teach that at the Academy.

Senator Organa was a petite woman with warm eyes and deep invisible scars. Rey thought long and hard how to explain what she needed and why, very conscious of the fact that the pain of losing a husband at the hands of a son could shut down any communication around it.

“I wish I could help you agent, but there is nothing I have to say that I haven’t already said three years ago.”

“I know it is hard. I can’t imagine, really. But just a couple of questions…”

She sighed, leaving her cup of tea on the coffee table, giving her permission with a short wave of her hand.

“How was he as a child?”

For a moment happy memories reflected in her mild smile, “I never had a sense we live in the same world. He was not very outgoing. I think he was unsecure about a lot of things that I couldn’t help with. Made him very angry and resentful. Him and Han… they didn’t even speak the same language. I…. I made so many mistakes.”

“Have you ever noticed that he showed any symptoms of being bullied or otherwise harassed?”

“I can’t tell… that is the problem. I couldn’t tell what in his behaviour stemmed from some trauma that I am not privy to, and what is just the consequence of his personality. After it happened… I can’t agent. I’m sorry. It’s too painful,” she said bowing her head, ashamed and sad. Then she looked at Rey. “Have you seen him?”

“Yes.”

Mother’s eyes filled with unshed tears. “You have, truly?”

Rey nodded.

“Is he… how is he?”

“Just about as expected. But I am concerned for him, I’m not going to lie.”

Leia looked at her in surprise and relief. “Thank you. That… hearing that someone cares what happens to him. It… it means a lot.”

“Do you mind if I take a look around his room? I’m trying to understand him better.”

Leia took her to the upper floor of the beautiful home she now didn’t share with anyone. There she let her come into a room. Rey immediately smiled.

“Hello Ben Solo, nice to meet you,” she said to the room.

His mother turner around and left her there.

She did a quick sweep around. Donnie Darko and Blade Runner posters decorating the walls, no computer, but the space for it was still there. A record player in the corner next to the closet. She browsed the records.

Oh Ben, you emo.

She crossed the room to his desk. Neat piles of books and CDs. She pulled the drawer and there, on top were notebooks. She pulled them out and flipped through. One of them had to be…

Ah, there. Drawings in pencil and some in black pen. Rey took it and sat on his bed. After a minute she kicked of her shoes and laid, head on his pillow. She turned the pages carefully examining each drawing. There were repeating themes, typical of lonely teenage boys. A lone dragon, crying eyes, slim female shapes, planets and space ships, and then there it was… A man with black hair, dressed all in black, holding a sword, looking up to a throne where a monster sat. It was a bold man, his face disfigured and ugly, his fingers unnaturally long. Is this you? Following pages were getting more violent. Blood on knives, literal hearts pulled from open chests, a beautiful drawing of a bleeding hand reaching for nothing.

Rey looked up to the ceiling and relaxed the notebook to her heart.

Ben, this monster did something to you, didn’t he? What did he do to you? For how long was he in your life?

O, he will have to speak to her and start answering questions.

On her way out she stopped to ask Leia, “Senator, do you know anyone in your or your son’s life who looks like this?”

Leia looked at the drawing Rey was holding. For a moment there was nothing but then she went completely still.


	3. Second meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for kind words, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions. It makes all the difference :)  
> From my side, I can say that the story is turning out to be less dark than I initially envisioned. I am going through some really difficult time IRL and this is my coping mechanism. And because I am crushing so hard on Kylo Ren I don't have it in me to make him more cruel as I initially imagined it. So yeah...  
> Let me know if the story makes sense. If you see an inconsistency or a mistake, do let me know :*  
> Oh, and the next chapter will likely be posted only next weekend. I have to get back to work tomorrow :(

[](https://ibb.co/C6vYmpm)

Two days later Rey was granted a second visit. She was burning from all the facts she wanted to check and all the questions she wanted to ask. Her investigation moved forward after the visit to his family home and she was working around the clock with a clear hypothesis but she needed to be careful and not to ruin everything by acting rashly.

However, she was also nervous for an entirely different reason. She knew objectively he couldn’t possibly guess she was having all these intimate thoughts about him, but still, she was afraid that he will simply see it reflected on her face. That he will just know everything immediately.

Her repeated appearance seemed to push Hux to an even worse mood. He was literally stomping during their walk like a five year old with a tantrum.

“Mr Hux I simply do not understand what the risk here is,” she calmly stated observing the red head.

“No, you wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t you. You are not here when he is trying to hurt the security during lunch hour, or when he was trying to talk another inmate to smash his head against the brick wall. Do you honestly think he is by himself simply on my whim?”

“Not at all. However I don’t see how that pertains to his cooperation in this investigation. If anything, giving him a sense of purpose might appease him and make your job easier,” she stopped walking next to the big metal doors. “That is what you want, isn’t it? To have an easier time with Kylo Ren. Then you wouldn’t have to send guards to hurt him.”

“I don’t know what you think you saw agent, but my staff is allowed to do whatever they need to be safe.”

Rey’s only reaction was to raise her eyebrows in reservation.

“Thank you Mr Hux, I’ll take it from here.”

Her long walk to his cell was thrown off rhythm by her nervous energy while she was going over the list of questions in her head. But none of hundreds of different scenarios about how this conversation is likely to go did not prepare her for seeing Ben Solo’s naked torso. Covered in shiny layer of sweat. Fuck. She closed her eyes for a second trying to get her brain to restart.

He obviously finished exercising… or something, and was sitting on the edge of his bed, towelling his hair. His shoulders were magnificent, broad and strong, his skin so smooth, so… mouth-watering. He raised his head and their eyes met. With considerable effort Rey shut her mouth and swallowed.

“Mr Ren, hello.”

“Agent. I didn’t expect you today.”

“I can see that,” she quipped looking up and down his impressive exposed body. “Is there a shirt or something you can put on?”

“Why? See something you like?” he actually had a smirk on his face.

“That is inconsequential,” she replied, not denying.

He nodded turned around and lifted his arms putting a shirt that was previously discarded on the chair. Unfortunately this also meant a short but unobstructed view of his back muscles rippling.

Breathe, Rey.

“So, agent, what can I help you with today?”

Rey turned around to locate her chair and placed her one meter closer to the bars. Closer means quieter, perhaps more difficult for Hux to eavesdrop.

“I have so much to ask you.”

“Ditto.”

Rey smiled nervously. “Surely you are not very interested in some random FBI agent.”

“I am not interested in some random FBI agent. I am rather interested in you. Quid pro quo agent Kenobi.”

Rey was struggling to formulate an answer, looking at him, fighting a losing battle not to glance at his lips every couple of seconds. This man has the capacity to end her. She needs to pull herself together before he realises it.

“Alright. I am afraid you won’t get much worth from this… I’m… I’m not very interesting. What would you like to know?” she asked quietly. Little quiver in her voice was giving her anxiety away.

“Oh don’t be afraid agent. I feel it too,” he said letting the undercurrent of emotions flow between their eyes. 

Feel what? Feel this? How could he possibly?

Rey’s fingers twitched as she struggled not to press her legs closer together, while he was intensely observing her every little move. As if somehow he can look right into her brain or peel the walls right off her psyche.

“Tell me, why did you choose this line of work?”

“I want to help people. There are monsters out there and I want to be among the ones who stop them.”

“No. _Why_ did _you_ choose it?”

“You don’t consider that a valid answer?”

“Why did you choose it Rey?”

Her breath trembled for a moment.

Ok. She made her peace with this. He will know, so what? No one knows her, so it might be fitting she would choose to share herself with someone serving 20 years in a dark basement.

“I… My parents. They left me when I was a very small child. I… I wasn’t lucky, I didn’t end up with a nice foster family. I ended up sold for drinking money to a child trafficker. I was just so small, and he…” She swallowed. With horror she realised a tear was sliding down her cheek. “He enjoyed hurting little kids. I guess I grew up building this image of me, of being one day a literal superhero who can fight people like that and stop them. Bad people like Plutt.”

“Did he… did he… Rey, was it sexual?”

“Sometimes,” she answered her voice slightly cracking on the last syllable. “I was always too small and skinny to interest him for… he never raped me. But he made me… there were other things he would do.”

Her response did something to him. He wanted to find this person and make them suffer. Badly.

“How did you escape? I want to know what triggered you to change the course life gave you. You could have as easily turned to be a drug dealing prostitute.”

She paused thinking back to the times she was so often actively trying to forget.

“Actually, that would have been an easier path - many others went down it. It was about finding a way to lose yourself and forget. I just… I had a friend there for a bit. I remember being so alone and hungry and getting sick all the time. Then this other kid came. He was older than me, I think he was around 18, very nice smile, kind eyes. He took care of me for a while, making sure I had enough food, got me some stuff I needed. He was gay and I think it was very bad for him. For me it happened sometimes, for him it was happening all the time. That night I was trying to find him. I haven’t seen him since that morning, and he wasn’t there at supper. The place we lived was large and crowded, to a child like me it looked like a maze. There were many rooms and people sometimes slept on corridors. I went to a room we sometimes hid in when we were sharing some stolen chocolates. There was blood on the handle. I went in. It was dark apart from one small lamp in the corner. He was lying there half in shadows. I touched him and flipped him around and then I realised he was covered in something sticky… It was blood,” she said reliving the memory behind her closed eyes.

“He was covered in blood and I wanted to scream, I wanted to scream so bad. But right there and then, cradling a dead body of the only friend I had I realised that I will die there. I will die there and no one would be the wiser… unless I escaped. I heard the steps and I left him there. And I went out and I started walking and I didn’t stop until a kind older lady found me. I got shelter and she helped me get paperwork and a last name. She understood that I had to disappear so she called her brother in US and I left.”

She opened her eyes looking at him through fresh unshed tears. She just told him all of that. He asked and she told him all that.

“Do you have nightmares agent?”

“All the time. I have them all the time,” she confirmed biting her lips. “What about your monster Kylo? Was it sexual?” she asked putting all her empathy for him on display. She wanted him to trust her, to give it back. 

He stopped for a moment and bowed his head until he was leaning his head on his hands.

“Your profile told you that?”

“Yes.”

“Yes it was. Sometimes.”

Another slow and quiet tear streamed down her cheek. She hoped it wouldn’t be the case. She hoped so much that she was wrong, that the system did not betray him so badly and so deeply. That his mother wasn’t that blind, that he still has some space in his heart for forgiveness.

“He took everything from me, and I felt like I was screaming about it from the top of my lungs, but no one heard. Nobody was paying attention. Not my mother and not my… not my father.”

“That is a very isolating experience. Kylo, it wasn’t your fault.”

At that he laughed. “Yea agent, except it very much is.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“I tried to… to my father. He wasn’t listening and then blamed me. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore. I lost it. I stabbed him with a knife,” he said with a practiced detachment.

“You are not telling me the whole story. Did he tell you to do it?”

He took a deep breath.

“Somehow monsters can see that you are about to break and he pried and pried, and I confessed in anger that I told it to my father and he will put an end to all of this. So he started saying how no one will ever believe me, no one will ever love me or have me, and he was right about all of it. So when he said I need to make sure my father never speak to me ever again I believed him that too.

He was grooming me to kill my own father and I was so angry and disturbed that I actually did it. I just wanted the voices in my head to stop, to make it quiet and peaceful. And I didn’t see any other way. It was a selfish act of self-preservation. I sacrificed my own father to that monster.”

Rey’s heart broke for him.

Kylo stared at his hands for a couple of moments. “What about you agent? Did you manage to end your tormentor? Did you go back and confronted him with your big FBI gun now that you are a grown up FBI woman?”

“No. I never went back.”

He didn’t comment further. Just looked at her. “You and me… we aren’t that different.”

“Well, I didn’t sort out my problems by going on violent rampages,” she said, lightness in her tone. 

He actually chuckled at that.

“No. Well, I guess we all deal with problems with the tools we are given.”

“Kylo, is this the same guy?” she asked him again the question he refused to answer on her first visit.

He closed his eyes for a second and heavily leaned his forehead against his fingers, his back bowed. Rey could see what others couldn’t. She saw regret and sadness pressing on him, heavy and unmoving.

“It could be.”

Rey gasped.

Kylo continued quietly. “At first I didn’t make the connection. I don’t know how I could. I don’t get enough news here as it is and if I understand it correctly, in the beginning it seemed too random to be anything and victims’ names were not released to the media nor were the messages on the walls. And I feel like he is making sure everyone is dead and cannot testify against him. On one hand he is amused by sending of his henchmen to cover his tracks. On the other, I think he enjoyed this show of power, same as he enjoyed to dig into people’s minds and twist their reality.”

“Is he doing this now because he is worried you’ll talk while here?”

“That would be my guess.”

“Well then, talk.”

“He was an Ivy league psychology professor. Very powerful connections. My mother put me into his program for troubled kids while I was just in high school because she heard he is tough and lot of people she knew respected him. Imagine, my mother put me there and never bothered to even talk to the guy before making sure it will be a good fit for me.”

“University professor? But we checked… the victims didn’t go to the same schools… they didn’t overlap.”

“That is because he didn’t recruit them from his vicinity. First Order is how they call the network on the deep web. It’s impossible to find unless you know exactly where to search. That is how he kept talking to them… us… for years.”

“Kylo, tell me his name.”

His frowning face looked like it pains him to say it aloud.

“His name is Snoke.”

She felt his pain in the sound of the name.

“Even his name sounds vile. Is this him?” she took out his notebook and showed him hid drawing. His head snapped up.

“Where did you get that?”

“I went to your house. Your mother recognised the figure. She said he was a recurring theme in your art and that there were more disturbing pieces she destroyed so that prosecution couldn’t find it. It disturbed her to even think of it. I think she realised for the first time that there was someone in your life doing bad things to you and she hadn’t listened to you or protected you when she needed,” she gently said. 

“My mother… You went snooping in my room,” he said with a hurt tone of a teenage boy.

“Of course I did. Be reasonable.”

“So now when you know, what is your next course of action?”

“Find him, put him under surveillance to get some tangible evidence. Find the First Order on the web. I have to do this right. I want to put him away for what he did for you and find out who is doing his dirty work and taking out his victims.”

He nodded. “Will AD Skywalker believe you?”

“He will have to.”

“My own father did not believe me. Sure, we didn’t have a good relationship before that. He just thought I was this bad kid who is broken for no reason and cannot be fixed. So, why would anyone else think differently?”

“Because I will make sure they do.”

They looked at each other for a full minute before he said in low voice. “And what will be my reward?”

“You mean besides the possibility of making bail one day and a transfer to a place with better conditions than this one?”

A brief sad smile crossed his face. “You think I can survive until bail if I stay here?”

“Kylo,” she breathed, “you have to.”

She wasn’t in control of her body as she got up and made a step towards the bars, closer to him. She wasn’t in control of her hand as she reached out to him, to his much darker side of the bars. Her brain was probably misfiring, but she was hoping he will touch her. Just one touch, to comfort him, to comfort her, to heal their bruised and broken hearts of this crippling loneliness. It felt like slow motion as he stretched his hand towards hers, fingers shaking, and heart wildly beating. They both stopped breathing as their hands finally touched.

She breathed out while a sense of clarity spread through her. This is how it feels, she thought. This is what was missing. She felt his thumb briefly caress the top of hers, making her weak in the knees and twisting her insides. She looked from their hands into his eyes. Connection multiplied beyond what she though was possible. Waves of want, lust, admiration and insecurity were passing between them.

“Rey,” he whispered, sounds coloured with hurt and misery.

“Ben”

“It’s too late.”

“It is not too late,” she gently assured him. 

Suddenly something broke inside of him, and he couldn’t do it anymore. He tore his hand away and turned around sending the chair behind him flying to the wall, scaring her for a moment. He looked at her, some horrible vicious desire laced in self-destruction marring his appearance. 

“Tell me, agent Rey, do you fuck around much these days?”

Rey shook her head.

“What? Is that supposed to shock me Kylo?”

“Do you find sex shocking? I think it’s rather natural occurrence when it’s between two consenting adults. Tell me, agent, have you been out and about or have you been touching yourself while thinking of bad men in dark places, all alone with no one to warm up your cold sheets?”

Rey couldn’t believe his audacity. He was mocking her. Her anger levels spiked in seconds.

“Why are you asking me this? You want me to go into details, describe you my encounters so you have something to masturbate over during _your_ lonely nights?” she spat at him.

“Exactly. Although you’ve already given me plenty of material just by being here.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be disgusting. Why are you going this route? What are you trying to prove?”

“Nothing or everything! But do me a favour and let me know if you find some other daddy killer you could fuck. I want to know all about my competition.”

Rey stared at him wordlessly. Rationally she saw what he was doing and why. It was rather evident, but that didn’t make it easier.

“Agent I think you should go,” he said coldly.

“Fine, I will. Thank you for your cooperation with this investigation Mr Ren,” she said and turned around away from him walking back up to the world.

He could hear the metal doors closing behind her.

His Rey of light did not belong in this darkness with him. He couldn’t, couldn’t… how will he forget now the feel of her touch? How can he survive here now? He turned and smashed his fist against the cold wall, feeling the skin of his knuckles split. More blood on his hands. Appropriate.

If Snoke doesn’t kill him, he will go even more insane. It’s impossible. Pathetic loser. A burst of maniacal laughter turned into sobbing as tears streamed down his face, his trembling body sliding to the floor. He felt like he just reached a new level of loneliness. 


	4. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events lead our amazing agent straight back into her forbidden object of affection's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought I forgot about my story :) I apologize for this massive delay but it's still in the plans to finish this baby.  
> Real life got in a way, some heartbreaks, some new beginnings. New job, a new place, and I am finally in a good place to continue this.  
> Thank you for your patience, and as always, your feedback is much welcomed and appreciated.
> 
> IMPORTANT: If you like Hux, don't read. Also, I updated tags, please be aware, some of the content can be considered quite disturbing.

“All in position,” said one of familiar FBI voices coming through Rey’s headpiece. She heard faint shuffling around her from nine other agents while she focused on gripping her gun and lowering her heartbeat. This is it, they can’t fuck up now. She edged closer to the end of the long and dark corridor, old red doors as destination.

It took them only ten days of wiretapping, surveillance and preparation of the legal ground to set up the operation. Apprehending Snoke was now the first priority. She also had her own to-do list, where a bit further down there was a slight option of helping out Kylo effing Ren getting a reduced sentencing. Kylo… Ben. A broken man whose touch somehow burned her days after, a cruel man with silky hair she would like to get her hands on. Sure. She decided a couple of days ago during another sleepless night powered by fantasies and too much alcohol that she will do her job and with a bit of luck, that would get him out of her system.

It all depends on this. Also, perhaps some things depend on Kylo Ren’s family putting their combined influence behind the cause. She mentioned it to the AD but her superior only looked at her though weary eyes and dismissed her with “we’ll talk about it if the opportunity ever comes”. His refusal to even have a conversation about Ren was infuriating Rey. She knew that the bastard was difficult, but she wasn’t ready to let him rot and she only knew him for a very short time. Still, she knew him and while she wasn’t sure that she will ever have an opportunity to lay her hands on him, she was sure he could still be saved.

“We’re going in in three, two, one and…”

What followed was a fury of guns, bullets and action. There were people in there willing to pull up a fight for their leader and they didn’t choose any means. A rouge went down seconds after he stepped out from the corner on the left all guns blazing. Then something went flying over her left shoulder. She swiftly turned into another room. Person was aiming at her, cold stare, steely demeanor. Her bullet caught their shoulder first though and they went down. She stepped forward to turn into a new room. Computer room. Screens and two pairs of arms furiously tying.

“Stop right now. FBI. Hands up,” she ordered briskly. “I have the computer room. Send the team as soon as possible. We have to make sure files are intact,” she told to the team coordinating from the van, while cuffing the two people. Man and a woman. Couldn’t be more than 25.

“Cleared,” came from another agent.

“All clear,” from the third team.

“Where is he?” she asked her team members. Silence.

“Does anyone have a visual?” More silence.

“Agent Kenobi?” she heard AD Skywalker though hear earpiece, but she didn’t pay him any attention. She felt her furry building up. She turned to the two people now sitting on the floor. “Where is he?” they stared at her blankly.

“Agent Kenobi?”

“Where is he?!?”

The blond guy just looked at her and smiled. It wasn’t pleasant.

“Come to the room on fair right. You have to see this Kenobi” she recognised the voice from one of the older team members. She distantly heard Skywalker shouting at her, before she pulled him out of her ear. As she entered the room, she froze. She heard a younger agent retching in the corner. People were standing pointing with their flashlights at bodies hanging from the ceiling.

“Oh my god. Get some light in here, let’s secure this. Somebody get the medics right now and open the windows,” she automatically gave orders assuming the senior role with the assurance she wasn’t officially entitled to. Turning to the distressed agent in the corner, she softly added: “Agent, it’s all right. Go outside and get some fresh air.”

Two people were hanging from the ceiling, feet slowly swaying. In the middle of the room a body was laying, blood everywhere. With careful inspection of each body Rey saw there was nothing to be done for them. Wrong colour, wrong temperature. She looked around slowly. The room was dark but she could see clearly more messages on the walls.

“Get everything on pictures before the paramedics take the victims down,” she warned the agent carrying a large camera. With the first flash, writings on the wall glowed violently red.

“Sick bastard.”

She left the team to process the scene and walked back to the computer room. Agent was going through the system, working fast and focused. “Rey, I will have quite a lot for you. They didn’t manage to delete many files permanently. I’m backing everything up to our systems.”

“Great, thanks. Can you do me a favour and run a search for Kylo Ren as a priority? Let me know what you find as soon as possible.”

Agent nodded and got back to work.

She put the earpiece back on. “Yes?”

“Agent, come back to the van immediately. A delivery man left an envelope for you 5 seconds we went in.”

“On my way.” She said running back outside, momentarily blinded by the harsh winter sun. She crossed the street in seconds.

Inside a small and dimly lighted windowless van AD Skywalker was looking at the envelope at the desk. “There’s no residue on it. Scan shows an usb drive and an extra piece of paper.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Rey looked at the technician. Slowly, with careful glowed hands, she opened the envelope using a sharp knife. She took the note out, and with a short glance she turned it to Rey and Skywalker.

“For your loving memory,” she read looking at her mentor. She felt her nerves igniting as the technician plugged the USB and clicked on the only available file.

And then… It took her a second to recognise her own voice. She stopped breathing as familiar conversation filled the space.

_“Kylo, I’ll come back… You are not alone.”_

_“Neither are you. And what will be my reward?”_

_“You mean besides the possibility of making bail one day and a transfer to a place with better conditions than this one?”_

_“You think I can survive until bail if I stay here?”_

_“Kylo, you have to.”_

It felt like she was listening… someone in love. Rey looked at Skywalker. He already looked angry.

“Sir, I can explain”

_“Rey”_

_“Ben”_

_“It’s too late.”_

_“It is not too late.”_

The short file ended there.

“You call him Ben.”

Rey felt a big lump in her throat. It felt like she has just been caught doing something she absolutely shouldn’t have been doing. Except she hasn’t done anything. She… she thought about it. She did… she does. Who wouldn’t? He is… just... Ben is just…

“Sir, I can explain. It’s not… as it sounds.”

“Good, since it sounds like a pair of Shakespearean star-crossed lovers. You’ve seen him, what? Twice? Are you out of your mind? You don’t know him Agent. Please tell me this is not what it sounds like.”

Rey looked at her shoes. Then the ceiling. How has it come to this? It was all just a turmoil of fear, longing, concern. Could she say that it’s nothing? That she felt nothing for this person who she barely knew? No… She felt something. She will not lie to herself or to her boss.

“You are aware your career is on line if this has been already sent to the press?”

On the line… Career on the line. She cares about that. She cares about her job. She is invested in her job. It was so difficult to get here. So difficult. For your loving memory… Memory.

Rey gasped.

“Ben is in danger.”

“Kylo Ren is locked away. Only danger he is facing is from himself.”

“That recording. It comes from Hux. He is listening to him. He must be another pawn of Snoke. We have to go there.”

“Rey, this tape may have come from Hux or Snoke but that doesn’t change the fact that Kylo Ren blinded you. Let him go, he is bad news. We got what we needed from him. Focus on the task ahead.”

Rey looked up at Skywalker. For the first time since she knew him, she saw him as an old and disappointed soul with stubborn eyes full of guilt and delusions. This man will not listen to her.

Rey just turned around. “I will meet you back in the office. If my pass will still open doors”

“Agent, what...”

She took off as fast as she could, slamming the doors on her way. Alone in her car she felt her eyes getting misty and her hands shaking. What is she doing? For whom? For him? To herself? No. She gripped the wheel tighter and stepped on it. She owes him to make sure he lives. She promised him he is not alone.

She was half way there when she received a phone call from the agent who was checking the computer system.

“Rey, I searched for Ren first. Just to give you a heads up, it’s a hit and it’s a lot. This guy was grooming him since he was a boy. There are endless messages. Also, the bastard kept the pictures. Some of them are really explicit.”

Rey focused on the street in front of her.

“Explicit, how? Are we talking nudity, sexual acts?”

“All of the above. Where are you? Do you want to come and see?”

“I have an emergency to solve. On my way to Kylo Ren. Please inform AD Skywalker and be careful with those files. Nothing can happen, I want it handled perfectly.”

Shit. She wasn’t sure what she wanted more, protect him from vultures once all of that evidence goes public, or to see the faces of all the people who gave up on him after not paying attention for so long. An hour later she was looking at the gloomy exterior of Ben’s “hospital”.

Breathe, Rey.

She checked her weapon, and slowly made her way. Guards were opening the doors with little incentive needed. She was still an FBI agent with a gun and authority. She didn’t waste time and walked straight underground. Last doors were, as expected, the trickiest ones.

“Open these doors now.”

“I’m sorry agent, I can’t let you in here without permission. I will lose my job,” the guard said sternly.

“If you don’t open these doors, losing your job will be the furthest on your mind. I will not ask twice.”

Doors opened slowly and soon she saw the familiar path to Kylo Ren’s cell. She walked fast, turned, and stopped. There was no one there. Place was empty.

“Ben?”

Silence cut into her heart. Panic that had been there since she heard them on that recording threatened to pour out of her. Eyes burned, fingers clenched. She took a moment to steady herself, as she slowly slid the door open. His cell was a mess. Chair was down and all the bedding was on the floor. On the small table in the back his drawings were scattered. She took a closer look. Scenery of a beautiful beach, New York skyline, Solo’s house, and as she took it for a closer inspection she saw another one uncovered underneath.

It was her. Very obviously so. But it wasn’t a drawing of her looking at him from the other side of the bars. No, it was a fantasy of her, head resting on an arm and a pillow, hair loose, open lips and glistening eyes. She looked… he made her look beautiful. Is this how he sees her? A separate drawing, hiding just below, was a pencil sketch of hands touching. For a second she allowed herself to remember the feeling of his skin under her fingers.

“Oh, Ben.”

She took wrapped them in a tube and placed them in her bag. She will keep them. They’re not evidence and she doesn’t need other people looking at something that was only his and maybe hers. She questioned her reasoning for a moment before deciding she will rethink it later, cooler head. There wasn’t much else in the room, so she marched up back up to the guard.

“Where is he?”

“I am not in liberty to say.”

“I don’t think you realise you don’t have any choice. Surely you know this place is under your own surveillance. And that we can easily find interesting material that casts everyone who work here in a certain light. So, how will the FBI evaluate your conduct in this matter depends entirely on how you will answer this particular question. Where is he?”

The guard nodded, turned and motioned for her to follow him. Rey previously thought Kylo Ren was held in a basement. It turns out there is an even lower and colder basement, since the guard took her down another flight of stairs and down an ever darker corridor. He motioned with his finger at the door at the end of the corridor and left. As she got closer, the sounds from the room were getting louder and louder. She stopped before entering. It sounded like beating. And someone’s laughter. Hux.

“Oh yeah, I’m taking my time.”

Another dull sound, could have been anything. This time she heard a moan. She couldn’t wait. She checked the handle and kicked the door with her leg.

“Freeze. FBI.”

There stood warden Hux, with bloody hands holding a gun at the barrel, hitting with it a man half folded over himself on a chair. Ben. Blood was dripping down his chin as he raised his head really slowly, like his neck can barely hold its weight. She let an audible breath once her eyes met his. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something, his lower lip trembling.

Her voice was all steel as she pointed her gun at the red head: “Warden Hux, step away from him. Can you please explain yourself?”

Hux turned the gun calmly and pointed it at Ben’s head.

“Agent, nice of you to join us. I am afraid I have some bad news for you. Our patient Kylo Ren got a bit out of control today again. We simply have to tech him some manners.”

“By beating him to a pulp?”

“Actually, that is just a little bit of an extra flavour I added.”

“To a request made by Snoke?”

His eye twitched as he wiped his hand down Ben’s sleeve.

“Well, Snoke is right. I am afraid his time with us has come to an end. Pity that he managed to kill an FBI agent just before I arrived. Especially when you did sound like you really have a connection during your brief meetings.”

Ben’s whole body jerked at hearing this. That was out of the question. He had to use the situation where Hux is distracted and act fast.

“Rey,” he said weakly. He looked at her and then down to his legs and as she glanced down she saw the rope that was biding him was loose. She swallowed meeting his eyes again. There was a very slight nod of his head. She hoped he saw the understanding in her eyes. Alone he didn’t stand a chance against a gun. Together they are superior.

Moving in complete synchronicity, Ben ducked below the barrel, swinging his legs around the chair straight into Hux while Rey dashed to kick the weapon out of his grip, swiftly turning her body into a falling man to push him into a nearest wall. Ben slammed the back of the chair into the hard surface, parts falling apart while freeing his hands. Ray looked at him, worried about his limp left hand and a gash across his face that was till pouring blood and that second was all Hux needed to gain a couple of centimetres of space to forcefully slam the back of his head into her forehead.

She let out a painful cry as her vision went black for a moment. She took perhaps several seconds to shrug of the pain and the very next thing she saw was Kylo Ren kicking his former captor into the ground.

“Ben,” she gasped.

He wasn’t listening, now kicking him with his shoe in the sternum, not stopping.

“Ben, stop! You’ll kill him.”

That seemed to get him even more riled up to strike another blow to Hux’s stupid head.

“No! Please, stop,” she said stepping closer to him and slowly raising her hand to lay it on his shoulder.

“Please… Ben, you don’t have to do this, you are not a killer.”

He stood there frozen.

“But I am,” he said in a broken whisper, trying to convince her or himself, she wasn’t sure.

Rey glanced briefly at the scumbag lying on the ground, and affirming he was in fact breathing (thank gods for small favours), she focused on the broken man standing in front of her. She gently pushed him to turn around. He was breathing heavily, eyes downcast. She took her palm to his cheek slowly lifting his head.

“This will scar,” she stupidly commented on the long dash across the left side of his beautiful face.

“It’s ok, it’s not like it can get uglier.”

He finally lifted his eyes to hers. And for Rey it felt that Earth just tilted and everything stopped. Everything besides this bleeding man in front of her looking at her with those beautiful eyes. He gently leaned his check into her palm. Moments passed in perfect content of this new feeling, her fingers caressing him.

“Rey… I’m so sorry for last time, for how we parted, for saying those things to you.”

“Shhhh… I know. It’s ok Ben.”

She understood why, she knew exactly why one keeps the world at length and all the methods one can employ to create distance when it’s badly needed. But not now. Now, she was fighting against an overwhelming need to totally sink into him and disappear into his arms. He turned his head just slightly kissing her palm with his quivering lips. Her whole body felt like a string he pulled, vibrating in the frequency of his shattered breath.

“It was fine… I was fine without any light in my life until you came.”

She felt her eyes tearing up. In a strange way it was exactly what she was feeling as well.

“This connection… it’s real, please tell me it’s real. Please tell me I’m not putting my career on the line for something that I dreamed up.”

Instead of answering her, he finally pulled her closer, enveloping her in strong arms, palms spread across her lower back, his mouth only a breath from hers. He smiled then, really smiled, and she couldn’t resist any longer. She pulled his face closer as he laid his lips gently against hers. They were incredibly soft, hesitantly touching her. She added pressure, slowly parting her lips to gently touch his with her tongue. Just a brief taste. She felt him tremble beneath her as she moaned. It was blood and sweat, but also him.

“After we get you patched up, I will kiss you properly.”

The brief vision of future disturbed the sweet moment. Patched up implied hospitals, procedure, FBI, court.

“What? No. I’m not going to get… Rey, FBI doesn’t care about you. They don’t. Skywalker doesn’t. They will chew you up and spit you out without any care when they are done with you. But I care. Forget them, come with me.”

“What? To do what, escape? No, Ben. We can’t.”

“Yes we can. We can find a nice beach, a house, somewhere nice and sunny and away from this misery.”

“But, we found stuff, we have evidence now. We can clear your name and this can all disappear. You can have your life back.”

“I never had a life to begin with Rey. There’s nothing for me here. Nothing. Come with me, let’s bury the past and all the pain and let's leave it all behind.”

“No, we have to get Snoke. We can get him now, we are almost there. I have a responsibility.”

“Don’t be a fool. Don’t be that naïve little girl still stuck in the never-ending corridors of that horror house. I know I’m also a monster and you have no reasons to trust me, but I feel like I know you. I do. And we could start something new. Something that will be just our own.”

She stopped, and pulled herself out of his arms. Her head was pounding. She couldn’t. His words were swimming in her head bringing more tears to her eyes. The FBI will never forgive her for Kylo Ren anyway - she's already falling from grace. She could have this. They could go away, find their piece of heaven, and go on a date. She would wear a simple dress with little flowers and he would wear his gorgeous smile and they could have ice cream and wine while watching the waves. They would make love for hours and heal and forget. They might have neighbours or even friends who didn’t fear them. He could paint her, she would learn how to cook, and they would go dancing. They could have a life. But now, like this? No… What he wanted was selfish. It was so selfish.

She didn’t even realise she said the last sentence out loud.

“Perhaps I am, but don’t we deserve the opportunity to be a little selfish after all? Can’t we, for once take what we want? Rey, I want you. Come with me,” he said it, and he said it quietly, imploring her, begging her with his words and the truth evident behind them.

She looked back at him. He was holding his hand towards her.

“Please.”

In the next moment her choice was taken from her when a shot was fired. They stood frozen in shock. Ben glanced at Hux on the floor, holding the gun they foolishly forgot about. The evil man just looked at him, his lips turned into a perverted version of a smile, when he took the gun to his own head and knowing he already sealed his faith he finished the job with a second shot, taking that opportunity away from Ben.

Ben understood exactly the enormity of his punishment as he turned around from the nauseating scene to something much worse. Rey’s white shirt blossoming with blood. Her face went pale, fear gripping her features as she drew her hands to her stomach and a moment later with a heavy sigh stumbled into his arms. He laid her on the ground covering her wound with his shaking palm, trying to stop the blood from flowing. Her normally so vibrant eyes were turning glassy, her beautiful lips shivering as cold sweat covered her skin.

“No… no… no... Rey, Rey, Rey!”

Her name was a mantra, as if some higher power can turn the time for just a moment and undo what happened. His voice was breaking under gripping panic. 

“Don’t go anywhere baby, don’t go. Stay with me, please, stay with me.”

He didn’t pay attention to his heart breaking, or his arm hurting, or tears rolling down his face. He forgot about who he was, about his life, his penance, his quilt and his escape plan. As he lifted her light frame from the ground, his whole being was focused on only one thing – getting Rey the help she needed. It was the first time he felt lucky to have been held in, for all intense and purposes, a hospital.


	5. In the daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes up and Ben walks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers, 
> 
> I updated the chapter number - since I decided to cut this one shorter and post it a bit earlier than planned.  
> It helps me if I break it down a bit, so here we are. Two more to go. 
> 
> Thank you for the nice words and all the kudos. As any writer could tell you, they make all the difference. 
> 
> Also, I keep coming back to the old chapters to fix language mistakes. Being a non-native speaker is a bitch, but I'm trying to do my best :p

Drifting between darkness and light, Rey felt like she was trapped by an unknown force that wasn’t allowing her to move her toes, or open her eyes, or press her dry lips together. Her thoughts were sluggish and heavy, not staying on track long enough for her to begin to understand where she is or why she is. Not only was it disorientating and frustrating, but she found herself feeling scared and desperately lonely.

Much later, no way to say about the time that passed, there were moments when the spark was lit, when she could swore she felt his hand on hers, gently sharing energy he had, silently asking her to open her eyes. Was he there? Was he just a figment of her imagination to comfort her in the dark? All she wanted was to find him with her, but she also feared the disappointment when she once again discovers that she is alone.

How else would she be but alone? She was wracking her brain to think of another name, any name besides Ben Solo, and she couldn’t. There was nobody. She realised in horror that apart from her supervisor, her colleagues barely even had names, not to mention lives or identities outside of working hours that she knew of. How has her life reached the point where the only connection she felt was to a locked-up killer, how is it possible she allowed herself this? Has she really crossed the Atlantic, put so much effort into starting a new life getting into an extremely difficult career track, just so that she can feel afraid to wake up and find out she is as alone as Ben Solo is?

Much later her body didn’t give her any choice in the matter and she slowly opened her eyes. She was in a hospital, that much she could tell by discomfort, noises and smells alone. There was no one touching her hand. She peeled her eyes open with some difficulty slowly taking in the room around her. She glanced down to her stomach area but she was covered and she couldn’t see anything. The room was dark and for that she was grateful. Her eyes had some difficulties adjusting. Her lips seemed to be moving.

“Hello?”

Was that her voice? She tried to turn around to have a better look on the machinery she was hooked up on.

“Easy Agent. Welcome back to the land of the living.”

AD Skywalker stepped into focus, the light from the side desk falling on his face.

“Sir, what? What are you doing here? What happened?”

She asked looking around him to check if there was anybody else present in the shadows around her bed.

“Are you looking for someone?”

She looked at him alarmed, unsure what to say or ask or how much he knew. But that gleam in his eyes gave him away. There was no need to evade. 

“Where is he?”

Skywalker just ignored her question and presented her with a piece of newspaper. Headline on the bottom of the page read _Lady and the Beast:_ _A killer and an FBI Agent in a secret love affair - ends in bloodbath_. She managed to roll her eyes. So, the tape was leaked and this tabloid is having a field day.

“Would you care to explain why Kylo Ren carried you in his arms to a nearest doctor instead of walking out to his freedom?”

“I… I can’t,” she whispered. Liar, a part of her brain accused her. “You know very well Ben Solo would never allow me to bleed out in front of him,” she said with assurance in her voice. “Warden Hux? Dead I suppose?”

AD nodded. “From self-inflicting wound to the head. We found him on those records, repeatedly. Snoke was blackmailing that poor bastard for years with very explicit material. Warden’s family are Christian conservative. The rest is now history.”

“That psychopath caused so much misery. Sir, please tell me, do we know where Ben is? How long have I been in here?”

Skywalker visibly softened in front of her, looking like he was very much pitying her. Rey didn’t give a damn.

“Relax. You’ve been here for almost a week. They brought you in after surgery. You left the intensive care yesterday. You got lucky, Agent.”

“Am I still an Agent?”

“Yes. And Kylo Ren is still in jail. This time though it looks like not for much longer. Leia got new lawyers, they are putting together a case to overturn his verdict, there’s a hearing in a couple of weeks or so. Media is causing quite a frenzy about the whole case, so this part we’re trying to keep swift and quiet.”

“Has she seen him?”

“Both of us have seen him. He is… well, he looked at Leia once. My sister, she is feeling a lot of remorse right now and is trying to make up for the mistakes she… all of us made.”

“Snoke?”

“We can’t find him.”

“What?”

“His assets are seized, he is officially on the most wanted list. He will not hold on in hiding for much longer.”

Rey closed her eyes and brought her hand up to her forehead, trying to keep the headache from advancing.

“Agent, I apologise for my reaction a while ago. I suppose I lost faith in him too easily. I don’t need to tell you, I haven’t been sleeping recently and I owe you both. I want you to know I’ll do my best to see this case doesn’t affect your career in a negative way. It was you who put the pieces together, I’ll make sure the FBI knows it. Now focus on getting better.”

He patted her arm and turn to leave, and she turned to the other side. Not looking at his direction she whispered just as he was at the door.

“Was he here?”

“Yes. It took two police officers to take him away.”

Skywalker left and Rey closed her eyes. He was here. 

Days went by slowly and she eventually got back to her empty apartment. Patched up, feeling very week, desperately wanting a shower and a drink. At least one drink, doctor’s advice be damned.

She took her time in front of the bathroom mirror, wincing while slowly taking her clothes off. She looked at her pale face, faded bruise on her forehead, purple bags under her eyes, hair without any life in it left. Her breast looked even smaller than normal and her stomach was covered half by layers of adhesive bandage that had yellow stains on it form the antiseptic liquid the wound was covered in. That will be hell to replace once she gets it wet.

Everything about her looked so ugly to her eyes, so undesirable. A sour laugh left her lips. Of course, that was her problem, the fact she worried if he would find her attractive with an ugly bullet wound on her body.

“Shame on you Rey, you’re a disgrace for feminism,” she said to her reflection and climbed into shower. Under the soothing downpour her blurred sense of self finally snapped and proper sobs escaped her throat. The more she tried to rain it in, the more she trembled and the heavier the tears fell. In the end she just let go, sliding to the floor and releasing all the tension and the sadness. Rey cried for both of them, she cried for the victims, even for that poor warden Hux, she cried for her job and her reputation that was left in shambles before she even got a proper chance, she cried for her future that she couldn’t see in front of her anymore and for her lonely heart she couldn’t heal. She felt pain deep in her chest thinking of him saving her, of him making a decision to put her life above his plans. She also felt heartbreak because she couldn’t remember the feeling of being carried by him.

“Fuck.”

She gave herself time until the water ran cold, and then she stopped, because there was no other choice. She couldn’t keep in a couple of more frustrating tears while she struggled to change the dressing on her wound.

Pull yourself together, Rey.

Wrapped in a comfy robe she dragged herself to her kitchen and got a glass. She picked up several envelops that were on the floor in her corridor, her bag, her phone, and went to lay down on the sofa. There was nothing on the phone except some missed calls. Mostly FBI numbers and some she didn’t recognise. Envelops were bills and bank statements. And a letter.

A letter?

A letter with her name on the recipient line in beautiful handwriting.

She had a big sip of wine before tearing it open. It wasn’t very long.

_Rey,_

_Forgive me for writing to you in a letter. I was afraid I might not get a chance to talk to you again and I wanted to make sure I tell you how sorry I am for the depiction of our relationship in that cheap magazine. The disgrace and public shaming should have fallen on me alone. I do realise that ‘relationship’ is a rather strong word for what we have, but I lack a better one. I know that I am just a nobody, lost to society, without a family or anything of value to my name, but I have this fantasy that in another life you would have taken my hand and we could give this connection a chance. Perhaps we wouldn’t be an insane killer and an Agent, perhaps we would just be Rey and Ben. Two completely different people with scars on their souls. I wonder if you still dream about that house. I hope you escaped from the darkness, darling, and that you will find your peace. You need to know that despite of everything, those couple of seconds of feeling your lips on mine was the happiest memory I have made in my desperate and undeserving life. It is a gift, and I will cherish it always._

_Forever yours,_

_Ben_

She took a couple of breaths just trying to take it in, her eyes picking up the words that made her shiver. “Relationship”, “connection”, “darling” and “forever yours” were there on paper in front of her with his name on the bottom.

Oh Ben, you sentimental idiot. Why can’t he just knock on her doors when he comes out? Why is everything so predetermined to be miserable for ever? Rey leaned back and closed her eyes for a second, and then she remembered to take that drawing he made of her from her bag. It was still there, safely tucked in a roll.

She opened it, and smiled. A reminder of how he sees her. Well, she will have him look at her again with those beautiful eyes and see her through the same lens he used to draw the piece.

Her fingers itching to go back to work, she opened her laptop and started searching, going through the details of the case that might point them to Snoke’s whereabouts. She was sure other agents were doing exactly the same, cross-referencing all the data to determine another location. There had to be a trace of it somewhere. She worked and she slept and she eventually got better.

When Ben’s day in court came she was still not allowed to come back to work, but after much consideration she did go to the courtroom and found a place in the back row, close to the door in case she needs an escape. Seeing his big and lanky frame for the first time since that day shook her core. He was brought in under tight security, staring right to the ground until he sat down, his back towards the rest of the room, looking a bit out of place in an old dark suit. He looked like he is trying to overturn his entire frame and disappear completely, but he took too much space to manage that successfully.

The whole thing lasted for 20 minutes and it passed in a blur. Everything was so understated, as if a man’s life was not on the line. Without much fanfare the sentence against Kylo Ren was overturned to a manslaughter, he was assigned a new therapist to report to, bail was set to 250 000 dollars the senator agreed to pay and the court was adjourned. Rey saw Leia crying in front of her, and then slowly walking closer to Ben who remained seated. She tried to touch his shoulder but he visibly backed away from her. Leia sad something she couldn’t hear, and gave him a small bag of what were probably his belongings and then turned around to exist. Passing by Rey she paused for a moment and whispered: “Thank you”. She seemed so small and so fragile, but she still struggled to forgive her for turning her back on her son.

“I didn’t do anything. It was all Ben. I just listened.”

Leia nodded quietly. She looked like she wanted to say or do something else but changed her mind and left. Rey looked to the front where Ben was still seated, completely still, waiting until it was just two of them left in the empty courtroom. Even though he never once looked in her direction she had no doubt he could feel that she’s with him.

She hasn’t planned on insisting on this meeting… no, not planned. But she would be fooling herself to say this was avoidable. She also felt strangely insecure about what to do, so she just remained seated waiting for him to acknowledge her. She could see his tense frame raising and head bowed turning to the doors. He still wasn’t looking at her as he moved closer to where she was sitting. She stood up just as he came close to her.

Very gently so that she didn’t even notice, he extended his arm to brush over her fingers in passing. Electricity sparked but he didn’t stop walking and still looking at the floor he moved to open the door.

“Ben,” she breathed. 

He stopped. The moment stretched. His breathing was heavy and she herself felt like she was fighting for oxygen. His fingers were shaking as he looked up, as if the answer he was searching was written on the ceiling. She swallowed slowly looking at him intensely. Tension sparked as she stared at his throat, wondering how his skin tastes there, would he allow her to check. He raised his hand to his neck in a nervous gesture.

“A better man would leave now,” he said in a low voice that hit her right in her belly.

“Don’t.”

Did he feel this insane chemistry in the same manner she did? As almost tangible strings stretching between them, all vibrating at the same time.

“Fuck, Rey.”

For a swearword is sounded more like a prayer, as he pulled her hand gently towards him, and slowly spun her until she was leaning against the door. She felt like she was moving through water until he crashed his lips into hers. She whimpered as his tongue begged for entrance, and as soon as she allowed it, her whole world was just him. He fucking growled at the taste of her, and she couldn’t control her trembling fingers as they cupped his cheeks. 

He was so addictively intense. His hands were holding her hips, gripping her tighter with every swipe of her tongue and every gentle bite to his lower lip. As one of his hands travelled up to her hair, his lips traced an invisible line down her neck. As he gently swiped his tongue over her pulse point her hips slammed into his, under no control of hers.

“Ben,” she breathed next to ear as she felt his hard length pressing into her heat.

“Rey, you taste like heaven,” he mumbled into her skin. “I don’t deserve this sweetheart.”

What she wanted was to wrap her legs around this beautiful man, and beg him to fuck her against the courtroom doors and make him see how much they deserve all of it. Instead she slid her fingers into his soft dark tresses, lightly pulling his head back to look at her.

Her action caused him to involuntarily press harder into her, letting her feel what she was doing to him with every soft tug. Their lips were millimetres apart as they fought to breathe.

“Did you…” Rey couldn’t recognise her own voice so she started again. “Did you think you could just leave me here without saying anything?”

“I should know better, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Right now? Extremely lightheaded,” she said with a half-smile. “Otherwise, I’m getting much better. Thank you, you know, for saving me.” She finished her sentence right back with her tongue dancing with his, drunk on the feeling of his soft lips and his hard cock pressing into her. Until he separated them enough to speak.

“Agent, you say that as if I had any options on the matter. Not trying to get you the help you needed… That was never going to happen.”

“Hm. And you claim not to be a good man.”

He left another soft kiss on her lips. And another. “I am a selfish man. No matter how much I try I end up being a weak, selfish man.”

“What you did for me, that wasn’t selfish or weak. You could have walked right out of there if you wanted to, but you didn’t.”

“That is because since I met you, I can’t… fuck, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And then we kissed and I couldn't. And I know I should stop, deep down I know, I won’t get a happy ending. I’ve made my piece with it a long time ago.”

She shook her head no, grabbing his hair even tighter, sternly looking at him. “What are you talking about? Of course you will have a happy ending. Look what happened today. Look at us now. This should all be impossible.” 

She saw that he didn’t believe her, she saw that in his eyes he refused to believe any of it.

“Rey, I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

“What are you talking about?” she solemnly asked but the truth was hitting her straight in her lungs. “Ben Solo, what are you talking about?”

“Agent, I wrote you that letter because I really didn’t think I will see you again. I have to finish this, and I can’t have you getting caught in the crossfire.”

She couldn’t believe him. “What the hell? Forget about it. If you know where he could be, I’m fucking coming with you and I’m bringing the cavalry.”

He just laughed, letting his forehead fall against the door. “You will fail, he will know. He always knows everything.”

“And what? You think you can go ahead and take him down by yourself?!? In case you’re forgetting, you just got a reduced sentencing for manslaughter Ben. You are a lawyer, not a police officer or an FBI agent. You can’t get more blood on your hands, it will destroy you.”

He wasn’t saying anything. He just stood there, head heavy, eyes closed. She needed him to listen god damn it. She pressed on, trying to change whatever his mind came up with: “Come on, let’s just have some sense of normalcy for a day. Come to my apartment this evening. I’ll make you dinner to thank you for saving my life, we can have wine to celebrate your big release today and you can fuck me hard against the kitchen counter, like we both want since we saw each other the first time.”

He smiled and looked at her again. “Agent Kenobi, are you really trying to save my soul by promising sex?”

“And spaghetti,” she smirked. “You know my address.”

He gently caressed her forehead, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. “What time?”

“You think you can make it for eight?”

“I’ll try to make time in my busy revenge schedule.”

She laughed. He thought he wanted to this forever. Make Agent Rey Kenobi laugh. She kissed him once more running a hand down his body, and back again.

“How about we discuss that revenge business during appetizers and come up with a plan together?”

“Good.”

“Good. Let’s get out of here Ben.”

They walked out of the courthouse, ducking quickly to the side of the building and exiting to the parking lot.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride home. Hmmm… you have somewhere to stay?”

“Yeah, I have my place. It’s still mine I think,” he said fishing out a set of keys from the small bag his mother left him.

She drove him home in relative silence, glancing at him from time to time just to convince herself that somehow this big, beautiful man was here with her, autumn sun painting his skin with a warm glow. He brought the window down, letting his hair go wilder in the wind. He was gorgeous.

His was a very nice house in a decent part of the town, shutters were down, staircase covered with leaves.

“I would invite you in, but… well… I don’t know what I will find when I go inside. So, perhaps we should do that some other time.”

She smiled. “Of course, we have time.”

He nodded, looking at the house. “Yeah, we have time.”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek so softly, breathing her in.

Her lips trembled as she looked at him. “See you later.”

“Yeah, see you later.”

He got up from the car and walked up to his front door. He seemed to struggle a bit with his keys and the door and then he went in, looking at her for a few moments before closing the doors.

She released a shaky breath she was keeping in and shifted gears as she drove down the street before she turned around and found a place to park so that he doesn’t see her from the window.

“Fuck!” she hit the steering wheel with both her forearms and threw her head back against the seat.

“Fucking idiot!” she yelled before taking her mobile to her ear, dialling familiar number.

Did he really think she couldn’t tell that everything he just said to her was a fucking lie? Bloody hot-headed, stubborn, self-destructive bastard and his farewell letters and idiotic goodbye kisses. She was so angry.

“Sir? It’s Kenobi. Listen, I’m surveilling Ben Solo’s house. He is about to do something incredibly stupid…”


End file.
